英语幽默

No matter which girl he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother.
有位青年发现无论带哪一个女孩回家，总会遭到母亲的反对。

A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall
一位住在旅馆的绅士把他的雨伞放在了大厅里

Herman says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
赫尔曼说，“我知道，但不是一个，而是成百上千个！”

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
“等等，”那位顾客咆哮道，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
最后，来了位油漆匠，自信能调出那种颜色。富婆对他做的活非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。

My advantage is that I am handsome, but my disadvantage is that the handsomeness is not so obvious.
我的优点是：我很帅，我的缺点是：我帅的不够明显。

Teacher: I'm able to read one of the essays you did for homework, but the other one is written very poorly.
老师：我只能读通你的一篇作文，可另一篇实在是糟透了。

In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.
念中学的时候，我对自己的身高非常敏感。

The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
老师给同学们讲了一个小故事，说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳，横渡三趟。

"I'll talk to her," his mother said, "and I promise this time she won't make any noise."
“我会告诉她，”妈妈说，“我保证这次她不会吵闹了。”

Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your examination, and you have failed. What were you doing last term?
父亲：我曾许诺说，如果你考试及格就给你买辆小汽车，可你却没通过考试。你上学期一直在干什么呀？